佳譯、找錯,改譯,解釋

從實作實例學習翻譯

文章BW Book Worm » 週四 7月 09, 2009 7:11 pm

461.
A. Is that it for the week? Sounds like a lot of reading.
B. No, a lot of reading would have been assigning the collection of Cyberculture Resources at Fragment.nl or a few of the books reviewed at RCCS.

原譯
A:這是本周要做的嗎?聽起來有好多的讀物。
B:不,很多讀物會指定於 fragment.nl 網站的《電腦影響下的文化》資源網頁Cyberculture Resources at Fragment.nl或RCCS的書評。

改譯
A:這是本周要做的嗎?聽起來有好多的讀物。
B:不,要你多讀,就會指派像fragment.nl《電腦影響下的文化》這樣的資源網頁Cyberculture Resources at Fragment.nl或是RCCS有評論的書本。

解釋
關鍵是would have been assigning這時間式。Future perfect tense是另類的時間式,含「若是…就會…」的意思,即是事情沒有發生。原譯「會指定於…」是既定事實,原意不是如此,只是舉例說明。

以下句子不是翻譯,是報章文句。一旦習以為常,翻譯只會更西化。
462. 原句:感謝萬里同志長期以來給予天津工作極大的關懷和支持。
簡單一些是否較好:感謝萬里同志長期以來極大極大關懷和支持天津工作。

463. Wherefore, security being the true design and end of government, it unanswerably follows that whatever form thereof appears most likely to ensure it to us, with the least expense and greatest benefit, is preferable to all others..

原译:因此,既然安全是政府的真正的意圖和目的,那就毫無疑義地可以推斷,任何看起來最有可能保證我們安全的形式,只要是花費最少而得益最大,都是其他一切人所願意接受的

解釋:all others是all other (methods)的意思。譯者看錯了preferable to為preferred by

464. Monarchy is ranked in scripture as one of the sins of the Jews, for which a curse in reserve is denounced against them.

原譯:君主政體在《聖經》中列為猶太人的罪惡之一,並預言這種罪惡將產生怎樣的災禍
改譯:經文視皇權政制為猶太人原罪,宣示日後必被詛咒。
解釋:錯解curse in reserve,原譯只好補上譯者的意思。

465. One of the strongest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in Kings, is that nature disapproves it, otherwise she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule, by giving mankind an ASS FOR A LION.
原譯:有一個十分有力的明顯的證據,足以證明國王享有世襲權是荒謬的,那就是,天道並不贊成這種辦法,否則它就不會常常把笨驢而不把雄獅給予人類,從而使得這項度成為笑柄了。
改譯:皇權世襲荒謬,其有力明證為上天並不贊同,時常冷眼看著人間眾多狐假虎威蠢事。
解釋:容易查出an ASS FOR A LION是寓言故事,意思近似「狐假虎威」。

466. ...when the petition of the associators was before the House of Assembly of Pennsylvania, twenty-eight members only were present; all the Bucks county members, being eight, voted against it, and had seven of the Chester members done the same, this whole province had been governed by two counties only;

原譯:當參加聯合運動的人們的請願書提交賓夕法尼亞州議會的眾議院時,到會的只有二十八個議員;八名勃克斯縣的議員一致投票反對,契斯特縣的議員也步了他們的後塵個一州就由區區兩個縣所操縱;

改譯:陳情者呈請願書予賓夕法尼亞州眾議院,與會議員二十八人;勃縣議員八人一致投票反對,七名契縣議員步其後塵,一州之政實由兩縣操縱;

解釋:留意had的位置。原句had seven of the Chester members done the same是假設式語氣,原譯是事實式語氣。事實式語氣的原句應該是seven of the Chester members had done the same。

467. On these grounds I rest the matter.
原譯:我把問題的解決放在這些基礎上。
改譯:余於此結束陳辭。
解釋:rest the case/matter,法庭常見用語。
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Re: 佳譯、找錯,改譯,解釋

文章BW Book Worm » 週四 7月 08, 2010 5:19 pm

468. 翻譯Read:〈我,鉛筆:我的家譜樹〉之前,網上找到中譯本,可惜誤譯頗多。翻譯是個人作業;同一篇文章,十個譯者有十一個版本。以下並列兩份譯文,對照參考。紅字標示一些我認為有問題的譯文,重點不是文字語法的修飾,而是有否曲解原文。

簡體是網上譯文,正體是我的原譯。

You may wonder why I should write a genealogy. Well, to begin with, my story is interesting. And, next, I am a mystery—more so than a tree or a sunset or even a flash of lightning. But, sadly, I am taken for granted by those who use me, as if I were a mere incident and without background. This supercilious attitude relegates me to the level of the commonplace. This is a species of the grievous error in which mankind cannot too long persist without peril. For, the wise G. K. Chesterton observed, “We are perishing for want of wonder, not for want of wonders.”

你或许会好奇,我为什么会为自己建立族谱?好吧,首先,我的故事十分有趣。其次,我的一切都是个谜——比起一棵树、一次日落乃至一道闪电来说尤其是如此。不过,悲惨的是,那些使用我的人想当然的猜测我的所有秘密,就好像我仅仅只是一个毫无背景的附属品。这样目中无人的态度将我降格为了庸碌之辈。这是一个背负着严重错误的物种,以至于人类无法在毫无危险的状况下坚持太久。因为,智者G. K. Chesterton注意到,“我们被包围在缺乏好奇的严寒之中,而不是缺乏奇迹的严寒之中。”(We are perishing for want of wonder, not for want of wonders)。

你可能會問為何我要寫家譜。嗯,首先,我的故事很有趣。而且我也是一個謎,更甚於樹木或夕陽,甚至閃電。遺憾的是,我的用家理所當然認為我是小人物,沒有來頭。這種目空一切的態度把我貶低到尋常事物的層次。這是嚴重錯誤,若是人類長期忽視只會陷自身於險境。因為,聰明的G. K. Chesterton指出:「我們毀於沒有好奇心,而非沒有奇蹟。」“We are perishing for want of wonder, not for want of wonders.”

解释:G. K. Chesterton的引言在擺弄wonder / wonders的文字遊戲。查看了多份英語資料,才肯定作者的意思。

I, Pencil, simple though I appear to be, merit your wonder and awe, a claim I shall attempt to prove. In fact, if you can understand me—no, that's too much to ask of anyone—if you can become aware of the miraculousness which I symbolize, you can help save the freedom mankind is so unhappily losing. I have a profound lesson to teach. And I can teach this lesson better than can an automobile or an airplane or a mechanical dishwasher because—well, because I am seemingly so simple.

我,铅笔,不过是以我生而应有的样子,揭开你的兴趣和敬畏,我试图向你揭示的是一整条产业链。事实上,如果你能够理解我——不,这样要求所有人实在是有些过份——如果你能够注意到我所象征的奇迹,你会了解到保留自由的人性是如此不幸的损失。我是一门如此深奥的课程。并且比起一辆汽车或者是一台自动洗碟机来说,我更能胜任这一课程,因为——好吧,因为我看起来是如此的简单。

我,鉛筆,看來單純,但值得你讚嘆和敬畏,我會嘗試證明這說法。事實上,如果你能理解我──不,這對任何人是過分的要求──若是你能意識到我象徵的奇蹟,你可以幫助拯救人類正在如此不幸地失去的自由。我要傳授深刻的教訓。比諸汽車或飛機或洗碗機,我更勝任教授這一課,因為我看起來是那麼簡單。

Simple? Yet, not a single person on the face of this earth knows how to make me. This sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Especially when it is realized that there are about one and one-half billion of my kind produced in the U.S.A. each year.

简单?然而这个世界上的任何人都无法从表面判断应该如何制造我。这听起来十分奇妙,不是吗?特别是在当你发现每年美国都要生产十五亿支我这样的产品时。

簡單?然而,世上沒有一個人知道如何製造我。這聽起來很棒,是嗎?尤其是意識到美國每年生產約十至十五億個我。

Pick me up and look me over. What do you see? Not much meets the eye—there's some wood, lacquer, the printed labeling, graphite lead, a bit of metal, and an eraser.
捡起我来再把我看一遍吧。你看到了什么?摄入眼帘的并不多——它包括一些木头、漆皮、银号的标记、石墨铅芯、一点金属片还有一只橡皮。

檢起我,看看我。你看到什麼?所見不多:一些木料,漆油,印刷的標籤,石墨鉛,少許金屬和橡皮。

Innumerable Antecedents
Just as you cannot trace your family tree back very far, so is it impossible for me to name and explain all my antecedents. But I would like to suggest enough of them to impress upon you the richness and complexity of my background.

数不清的创造者
就像你不可能循回太过久远的族人一样,让我说出所有我的创造者的名字并介绍他们也是不可能的。但我仍会给出足够多的建议让你对我的背景留下丰富而富有综合性的印象。

無數前因
正如你不能追踪家譜樹很悠久的歷史,我也不能點名和解釋我所有的前因。不過,我想要說得夠多,讓你明白我的背景是多麼豐富和複雜。

My family tree begins with what in fact is a tree, a cedar of straight grain that grows in Northern California and Oregon. Now contemplate all the saws and trucks and rope and the countless other gear used in harvesting and carting the cedar logs to the railroad siding. Think of all the persons and the numberless skills that went into their fabrication: the mining of ore, the making of steel and its refinement into saws, axes, motors; the growing of hemp and bringing it through all the stages to heavy and strong rope; the logging camps with their beds and mess halls, the cookery and the raising of all the foods. Why, untold thousands of persons had a hand in every cup of coffee the loggers drink!

我的族谱事实上是开始一棵树的,一棵成长于北加利福尼亚和俄勒冈地区的直纹香柏。现在注视一下所有所有锯子、卡车、绳子以及数不清的其他沿着铁路线用于采伐和运输香柏原木的各个用具。想一想参与制造的人们与难以计数的技术:矿产的采集、钢铁的冶炼再到锯子、轴承和马达的制造:麻的种植再到将它制造成称重而强壮的绳子;带着食堂伐木工棚里,从整个烹调过程到将食物送上餐桌,为什么不告诉成千上的人们伐木工人们所喝的每一杯咖啡也参与了其中

我的家譜樹開始就是一棵樹,在加州北部和俄勒岡州生長的直紋香柏。想想從收割和運輸香柏木頭到鐵路側線用到的鋸,卡車,繩子和無數其他設備。想想投入組建這些設備的人力和無數技能:開採礦石,鑄鐵和細化成鋸,斧頭,電機;種植棕榈和經過層層手工打造成重典典和堅韌的繩子;有床有食堂的伐木營,烹飪和所有食品的來源。為什麼要這樣想?因為伐木工每一杯咖啡都有過千人的努力!

My cedar receives six coats of lacquer. Do you know all the ingredients of lacquer? Who would think that the growers of castor beans and the refiners of castor oil are a part of it? They are. Why, even the processes by which the lacquer is made a beautiful yellow involve the skills of more persons than one can enumerate!

我的香柏木船了六层漆皮外衣,你知道所有这些漆皮的材料吗?又有谁知道蓖麻子和精炼的蓖麻油就是其中的一部分呢?它们确实是的。为什么,就算是涂上一层漂亮的黄色也包括超过一个人所能够列举的所有人的技能之和

我的香柏塗上六層漆油。漆油有什麼成分?誰會想到蓖麻籽種植者和提煉蓖麻油的工廠也是其中部分?他們都是,因為即使把漆油弄成美麗的黃色這過程所涉及這麼多人的技能,不是這禿筆可以列舉的!

Observe the labeling. That's a film formed by applying heat to carbon black mixed with resins. How do you make resins and what, pray, is carbon black?
看看打标记的过程。那是一种通过加热将复写纸中混合入树脂的方法定型的胶片。你到底应该怎样混合树脂还有,什么?祈祷吧,那就是复写纸

觀察標籤。這是碳黑色混合樹脂加熱形成的薄膜。如何製造樹脂?,還有,老天爺,什麼是碳黑色?

Then there's my crowning glory, inelegantly referred to in the trade as “the plug,” the part man uses to erase the errors he makes with me. An ingredient called “factice” is what does the erasing. It is a rubber-like product made by reacting rape-seed oil from the Dutch East Indies with sulfur chloride. Rubber, contrary to the common notion, is only for binding purposes. Then, too, there are numerous vulcanizing and accelerating agents. The pumice comes from Italy; and the pigment which gives “the plug” its color is cadmium sulfide.
接着便是我无上的光荣了,一支铅笔若是没有“塞子”将会在交易终被认为是不优美的,部分人喜欢用橡皮擦去他用我写下的错误。有一种成分被称为“硫化油膏”正是制造橡皮的成分。那是一种有来自于荷属东印度群岛菜籽油与硫氯化物反应后制成的类似于橡胶的产品。而橡胶本身,与大众看法正相反,仅用于装订。之后,一样的,会有为数众多的硫化剂和促进剂。浮石来自于意大利而给“塞子”上色的颜料则是硫化镉。

我的至高無上的榮耀,行業直截了當稱為「插頭」,人們用這來擦掉使用我寫下的錯誤。一種稱為「油膏」的成分有擦除的功能。這產品類似橡膠,用荷屬東印度的油菜種子與硫酰氯起反應作用而製成。不符合普通常識,橡膠只是用於結合。此外還有無數硫化劑和促進劑。意大利的浮石和硫化鎘的色素造就「插頭」的顏色。

No One Knows
Does anyone wish to challenge my earlier assertion that no single person on the face of this earth knows how to make me?
无人知晓
现在有谁愿意挑战我之前的没有任何人可以只身从外表判断如何制造我的这一番言论?
無人知曉
是否有人想挑戰我剛才的說法:世上沒有任何一人知道如何製造我?

Actually, millions of human beings have had a hand in my creation, no one of whom even knows more than a very few of the others. Now, you may say that I go too far in relating the picker of a coffee berry in far off Brazil and food growers elsewhere to my creation; that this is an extreme position. I shall stand by my claim. There isn't a single person in all these millions, including the president of the pencil company, who contributes more than a tiny, infinitesimal bit of know-how. From the standpoint of know-how the only difference between the miner of graphite in Ceylon and the logger in Oregon is in the type of know-how. Neither the miner nor the logger can be dispensed with, any more than can the chemist at the factory or the worker in the oil field—paraffin being a by-product of petroleum.

事实上许许多多的人都参与到了我的制造之中,没有人会对他人知道很多,哪怕仅仅只是一点点。现在,你也许会说将巴西的咖啡豆采摘者和食品生产者和我的制造联系起来似乎是走得太远了;以至于这将成为一个极端说法。我将依旧坚持我的说法。成千上万的人当中没有一个人,包括铅笔公司的主席,他的贡献远远超过制造过程中的那个小小的、微乎其微的一分子,对如何制造我都知之甚少。从知道者的立场来看所谓的知道之间的不同不过是锡兰的矿工之于石墨和俄勒冈的伐木工人之间在某一类别的知道而已。伐木工人和矿工都不能省略,至多却不比工厂里的化学家和油田里的工人更重要——石蜡是石油的副产品。

事實上,有數百萬人參與創造我,任何一位只認識身邊幾位。現在,你可能會認為我說得過火了,認為在遙遠巴西採摘咖啡豆,以及在其他地方的糧食種植者都有參與創造我;這是極端的立場。我堅持我的說法。這數百萬人中任何一位,包括鉛筆公司的總統,都只是在知識方面有極為微少的貢獻。從知識的觀點來說,錫蘭的開採石墨工人和俄勒岡州的伐木工彼此之間的唯一區別是在知識的類型。無論是礦工還是伐木工,都不可以剔除;工廠的化學家或油田的工人,也是不可以剔除──石蠟是石油的副產品。

Here is an astounding fact: Neither the worker in the oil field nor the chemist nor the digger of graphite or clay nor any who mans or makes the ships or trains or trucks nor the one who runs the machine that does the knurling on my bit of metal nor the president of the company performs his singular task because he wants me. Each one wants me less, perhaps, than does a child in the first grade. Indeed, there are some among this vast multitude who never saw a pencil nor would they know how to use one. Their motivation is other than me. Perhaps it is something like this: Each of these millions sees that he can thus exchange his tiny know-how for the goods and services he needs or wants. I may or may not be among these items.

这里有一个令人惊骇的事实:不是油田里的工人、不是化学家、不是石墨或者粘土的挖掘者、不是制造轮船、火车、卡车的人、不是运行机器为我身上铁片压花的人更不是铅笔公司的主席为得到我而执行单一的任务。每个人想要从我身上得到的,也许,要大大少于一名一年级的学生。的确,在广大的群众当中有人从未见过一支铅笔也不知道如何用。他们的动机不同于我的。也许是像这样的:成千上万个人互相交换他希望或者是想要的小小商品或服务技能交换。我或许在/不在这些条款之中。

以下是驚人的事實:無論是石油工人,化學家,開採石墨或黏土的礦工,製造船隻、火車或卡車的工人,操作機器在我身上少許金屬壓出花紋的工人,公司的總裁──每人各盡其職並不是為了他需要我。也許他們更想要小學一年級的孩子。事實上,當中有許多人從未見過鉛筆,也不知道如何使用。他們的動機是在我之外。也許是這樣的事情:這數百萬人每一位知道他可以貢獻他的小小知識,以換取他需要或想要的貨物和服務。我可能或可能不是在項目清單。

No Master Mind
There is a fact still more astounding: the absence of a master mind, of anyone dictating or forcibly directing these countless actions which bring me into being. No trace of such a person can be found. Instead, we find the Invisible Hand at work. This is the mystery to which I earlier referred.

没有策划
这里的事实依旧是相当惊骇的:这里缺少一个策划者,没有人命令或者是强行指挥将我带到这个世界上。没有线索可以找到这样的一个人。相反,我们找到正在工作的无形的手。这便是我之前提到的神秘之处。

沒有主腦
還有更令人吃驚的事實:生產「我」的無數行動沒有主腦,也沒有人發號施令或強行指示。不會找到這樣的人。相反,「無形的手」在發揮作用。這是我剛才提到的謎團。

It has been said that “only God can make a tree.” Why do we agree with this? Isn't it because we realize that we ourselves could not make one? Indeed, can we even describe a tree? We cannot, except in superficial terms. We can say, for instance, that a certain molecular configuration manifests itself as a tree. But what mind is there among men that could even record, let alone direct, the constant changes in molecules that transpire in the life span of a tree? Such a feat is utterly unthinkable!

曾有人说“只有上帝才能制造树”(God can make a tree)。你为什么要同意这一观点?难道不是因为我们自己意识到不能制造一棵吗?确实,我们甚至能够描绘一棵树吗?我们不能,除非从十分肤浅的角度。举例来说,我们可以说是某些特定的分子构成显示这是一棵树。但是如果真能记录下来的话,那么以个人的意志又是怎样的呢,仅仅只是跟随着它的指挥,分子学恒定不变的变化便泄露出了一棵树的生命源泉?这样的壮举是绝对难以想象的!

有人說:「只有上帝才能造樹。」為什麼我們同意這說法?是不是因為我們認識到自己不能做到?事實上,我們能否只是描述一棵樹?我們做不到,除非只是泛泛而談。例如,我們可以說特定的分子結構會表達為一棵樹。但誰的頭腦可以只是記錄,更不用說指示,一棵樹一生中分子的不斷變化?這樣的巧技是完全不可想像!

I, Pencil, am a complex combination of miracles: a tree, zinc, copper, graphite, and so on. But to these miracles which manifest themselves in Nature an even more extraordinary miracle has been added: the configuration of creative human energies—millions of tiny know-hows configurating naturally and spontaneously in response to human necessity and desire and in the absence of any human master-minding! Since only God can make a tree, I insist that only God could make me. Man can no more direct these millions of know-hows to bring me into being than he can put molecules together to create a tree.

我,铅笔,是一系列奇迹的结合体:一棵树、一点锌、一点铜、一些石墨等等这些。而这些奇迹就本质上来说又显现出另一个更加特别的奇迹:创造性的人类力量的布局——成千上万的专业人士们自然而自发的响应人类的需求和欲望,而且是在没有任何人类的主导意志的情况之下!在只有上帝才能制造树之后,我便坚持只有上的才能制造我出来。人类不再像将分子们聚集起来制造树一样指挥这些成千上万的专业人员将我带入人世

我,鉛筆,是奇蹟的複雜組合:樹,鋅,銅,石墨等。但大自然的這些奇蹟還要加上更為非凡的奇蹟:創造性的人類能量的配置──數百萬微小知識自然和自發地組合,沒有任何人類主腦就能回應人類社會的需求和願望!因為只有上帝才能造樹,我堅持認為只有上帝能造我。沒有人可以直接指示這數百萬有知識的人製造「我」,正如沒有人可以把分子組合造出一棵樹。

The above is what I meant when writing, “If you can become aware of the miraculousness which I symbolize, you can help save the freedom mankind is so unhappily losing.” For, if one is aware that these know-hows will naturally, yes, automatically, arrange themselves into creative and productive patterns in response to human necessity and demand—that is, in the absence of governmental or any other coercive masterminding—then one will possess an absolutely essential ingredient for freedom: a faith in free people. Freedom is impossible without this faith.

以上便是我在写下“如果你能够注意到我所象征的奇迹,你会了解到保留自由的人性是如此不幸的损失”时所要表达的。因为,如果有一个人意识到这些专业人士们自然的,或者是说,自动地将他们自己安排进具有创造性和生产价值的环节以响应人类的需要和需求——也就是说在没有任何政府和强制性主导意志的情况下,那么一个人将承担起对自由中的一项十分重要的因素——对自由人的信仰。自由是绝不可能失去这种信任的。

我寫下「若是你能意識到我象徵的奇蹟,你可以幫助拯救人類正在如此不幸地失去的自由」,就是這意思。因為,若是人們知道這些知識在回應人類的需求時,本身會自然,自動配置成有創造力和生產力的模式──也就是說沒有政府或任何其他脅迫主腦──人們就是擁有自由絕對不可或缺的要素:對自由人的信心。沒有這信心,不可能有自由。

Once government has had a monopoly of a creative activity such, for instance, as the delivery of the mails, most individuals will believe that the mails could not be efficiently delivered by men acting freely. And here is the reason: Each one acknowledges that he himself doesn't know how to do all the things incident to mail delivery. He also recognizes that no other individual could do it. These assumptions are correct. No individual possesses enough know-how to perform a nation's mail delivery any more than any individual possesses enough know-how to make a pencil. Now, in the absence of faith in free people—in the unawareness that millions of tiny know-hows would naturally and miraculously form and cooperate to satisfy this necessity—the individual cannot help but reach the erroneous conclusion that mail can be delivered only by governmental “master-minding.”

一旦政府垄断,比方说,诸如邮件的递送一类的创造性行为,那么大多数人都会相信邮件不能够像被自由行动的人那样有效递送。而原因便是:每个人都承认他们并不知道邮件递送过程中的任何环节,而他们也知道只有一个人可以这么做。这一假定并没有错,人们对国家邮件递送过程的了解并不比他们对铅笔制造过程的了解更多。现在,在没有解放民众的信任的情况下——在没有意识到成千上万的小小专业人士自发的并且是奇迹般的简历并合作以保证自己的利益——而单一的个人并不能理解这一过程,却得到了邮件只是通过政府的强制性意志的主导进行递送这一错误结论。

一旦政府壟斷了這樣的創意活動,例如,郵件傳遞,大多數人會以為自由行動的人們無法有效傳遞郵件。理由是這樣的:每個人承認自己不知道如何去做有關郵件傳遞的所有事情,也知道沒有其他人能做到這一點。這些假設是正確的。沒有人有足夠的知識去運作國家的郵件傳遞,一如沒有人有足夠的知識去製造鉛筆。若是對自由人沒有信心──不了解數百萬微小知識會自然和奇蹟地形成,彼此合作以滿足這需求──個人就會得出錯誤的結論,以為只有政府「主腦」才可以傳遞郵件。

Testimony Galore
If I, Pencil, were the only item that could offer testimony on what men and women can accomplish when free to try, then those with little faith would have a fair case. However, there is testimony galore; it's all about us and on every hand. Mail delivery is exceedingly simple when compared, for instance, to the making of an automobile or a calculating machine or a grain combine or a milling machine or to tens of thousands of other things. Delivery? Why, in this area where men have been left free to try, they deliver the human voice around the world in less than one second; they deliver an event visually and in motion to any person's home when it is happening; they deliver 150 passengers from Seattle to Baltimore in less than four hours; they deliver gas from Texas to one's range or furnace in New York at unbelievably low rates and without subsidy; they deliver each four pounds of oil from the Persian Gulf to our Eastern Seaboard—halfway around the world—for less money than the government charges for delivering a one-ounce letter across the street!

丰富的证据
如果我,铅笔,是唯一一个可以提供证据证明当男人和女人们具有足够的自由度去尝试可以完成的物件,那么人们将不太会信任公平情况的发生。不过,这里的证据却十分丰富:那全部来自于我们生活的方方面面。比如说,比起汽车、计算机、联合收割机、铣床等等千千万万的事物的制造而言,邮件的递送就是一个相对而言十分简单的例子。物流系统,为什么?在这一领域人们被留出更多的自由空间时,他们在不到一秒钟的时间里将人的声音递送到世界的各个角落,他们递送着貌似大事的事件并在其发生时就将它递送至每个人的家中,他们在不到四个小时的时间之内将150名乘客从西雅图送至巴尔的摩,他们以极低的价格并且没有任何津贴的条件下将燃料从波斯湾运送至纽约的某个人手中或者是炉子上:他们从波斯湾每递送四英镑原油至我们的东海岸——环绕半个地球的旅行——所需的花费比政府递送一封一盎司的信件过街所需的花费还要少!

豐碩證言
若然我,鉛筆,是唯一證言證明男男女女有自由嘗試時可以做到的事情時,那麼人們信心不足是情有可原。但是,關乎我們也是在我們身邊有許多證言。例如,比諸製造汽車或電腦或收割機或銑床或成千上萬的其他東西,郵件傳遞是非常簡單。傳遞?在人們可以自由嘗試的領域,在世界各地傳遞人類的聲音不用一秒鐘;即時以視像把現場事件傳送到每個人的家;把一百五十名乘客從西雅圖送到巴爾的摩不用四小時;以沒有補貼,難以置信的低價把天然氣從德州傳送到紐約的火爐;四磅石油從波斯灣繞過半個地球運送到我們的東海岸,收費少於把一盎司的信寄到街對面的政府收費!

The lesson I have to teach is this: Leave all creative energies uninhibited. Merely organize society to act in harmony with this lesson. Let society's legal apparatus remove all obstacles the best it can. Permit these creative know-hows freely to flow. Have faith that free men and women will respond to the Invisible Hand. This faith will be confirmed. I, Pencil, seemingly simple though I am, offer the miracle of my creation as testimony that this is a practical faith, as practical as the sun, the rain, a cedar tree, the good earth.

这一刻我想要告诉你的是:让创造性活力不受禁止。并按照这一刻所教的组织社会。让这个社会的法律体系移除任何让它达到最佳状态的障碍。让这些创造性的专业人士在流水线上自由行动。相信那些自由男人和自由女人们对无形的手的响应。这一信任将越积越高。我,铅笔,将以我的亲身经历将以我创造过程中的奇迹证明这一信任是多么的实际,就像是太阳、雨水、香柏树和那美好的大地那样实际。

我要傳達的教訓是:開放所有創造力。只需按照這教訓把社會組織起來,並行不悖。讓社會的法律工具盡量消除所有障礙。容許這些創造性知識好好自由流動。有信心自由人會回應「無形的手」。信心會得到證實。我,鉛筆,雖然看似簡單,以創造我的奇蹟提出證言:這是實際可行的信心,一如太陽,雨,香柏,大地一樣的實際。
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Re: 佳譯、找錯,改譯,解釋

文章BW Book Worm » 週六 1月 01, 2011 12:23 pm

469. It is true, there are often advantages in pursuing a fixed determined course without regard to obstacles or adverse conditions. Simple dogged resolution is sometimes salvation of an enterprise; but, while glorious successes have been thus snatched from the very brink of disaster, overwhelming calamity has in other cases followed upon this course, when a reasonable regard for the unanticipated elements would have led to success. So there is to be set over against the great achievements that follow on dogged adherence great disasters which are equally its result.

原譯:通常追尋一個預先決定的方向而不論逆境中的障礙,的確是便利有好處的。頑固簡單的解決方式有時也是拯救企業的方法,然而此法,光榮的成果可能會在災難邊緣之中佼倖獲得,而嚴重的災難則是常發生的事例。而常常一個合理的思考,對於一個未預期的因素而言常會導至成功,因此不要使用頑固依循的規定來設定偉大的目標,因為重大的災難也可能同樣成為結果。

改譯:誠然,勇往直前,不怕障礙,無懼險阻,排除萬難,亦是成事良策,有時能力挽狂瀾;但更多的是焦頭爛額,一敗塗地。只要理性顧及未知因素,或許能導致成功。勇往直前,有成也有敗。

解釋:原譯是典型的死硬中譯,用字句法盡可能貼近原文,結果是不忍率讀。改譯本盡可能利用慣見四字辭,取原文之義,不是亦步亦趨。

470. ...then God himself was subject to law, and therefore you do not get any advantage by introducing God as an intermediary. You really have a law outside and anterior to the divine edicts, and God does not serve your purpose, because he is not the ultimate lawgiver.

他譯:...那麼上帝本人也應受法則的約束,因此,把上帝搬出來作為法寶,對你並沒有什麼好處。你確實具有一些超越並且先於神旨的規律,上帝並不能幫你什麼忙,因為他不是規律的最初創造者。

我譯:...那麼神本身是受到法則限制,因此引入神作為中介者是沒有任何優勢。〔在這情況下〕,在神諭之外和之前必然已有法則,神不符合「第一因」這目的,因為神不是最終的法規制定人。

解釋:紅字是錯譯。原文的you是虛詞,不是實體的「你」,可免則免。
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Re: 佳譯、找錯,改譯,解釋

文章BW Book Worm » 週四 1月 12, 2012 1:33 am

471. That sort of parody has turned out to be not nearly so wide of the mark as it might have seemed in the eighteenth century, because since the time of Darwin we understand much better why living creatures are adapted to their environment. It is not that their environment was made to be suitable to them but that they grew to be suitable to it, and that is the basis of adaptation. There is no evidence of design about it.

他譯:這類翻來復去的妙論已經不再象在十八世紀時那樣顯得文不對題,因為從達爾文的時代起,我們逐漸更加了解生物為什麼能適應環境,不是環境被造得適宜於生物的生存,而是生物逐漸適應變化的基礎,這就是適應性變化的基礎。這裏絲毫也不能證明有什麼事先的計劃。

我譯:十八世紀時,這樣的蠢事看來並不是那麼離題萬丈,因為自達爾文之後,我們更為明白生物為何適應環境。不是環境要適應生物,而是生物長得適合環境,而這就是適應的基礎。沒有什麼設計的證據。

解釋:紅字部份錯解原文,綠色部份多了原文沒有的意思:why they adapt不同why they can adapt。

472. It is exactly of the same nature as the Hindu's view, that the world rested upon an elephant and the elephant rested upon a tortoise; and when they said, "How about the tortoise?" the Indian said, "Suppose we change the subject." The argument is really no better than that/

他譯:這和印度教的觀點是性質完全一樣的,他們認為世界置身在一只象背上,而這像山置身在一只龜背上。如果有人追問“烏龜又在誰的背上呢?”他們就只能支吾其詞:“還是談談別的吧!”最初起因的論點確實並不比這高明。

我譯:印度教的觀點正好有相同性質:大象背著世界,烏龜背著大象;有人問:「那麼烏龜又如何?」印度人說:「不如我們換個話題。」〔第一因〕論據比這說法真的好不了多少。

解釋:The argument是指First-cause Argument,宗教文獻的約定俗成譯法是「第一因」。

473. Erewhon, Professors Hanky and Panky

他譯:埃瑞璜,漢基和潘基兩位教授

我譯:烏有之鄉,阿鬼和阿祟兩位教授

解釋:他譯是音譯,沒有深究原文的含義。Erewhon是文字遊戲,是nowhere倒過來。這不是沒有名氣的小說,前人高手譯為「烏有之鄉」。Hanky Panky是俗話,意即鬼鬼祟祟。小心求證,不要枉費作者的心血。

474. That is the idea -- that we should all be wicked if we did not hold to the Christian religion. It seems to me that the people who have held to it have been for the most part extremely wicked.

他譯:這意思就是說,如果不堅信基督教,我們都會變邪惡了。我倒似乎覺得,信仰基督教的人大多都是極其邪惡的

我譯:就是這概念:如果不信奉耶教,我們都應該是邪惡的。在我看來,堅持這概念的人多半是極其邪惡。

解釋:仔細推敲who have held to it的it,應該是第一句的主語 the idea。

475. 教材引述Larkins這首名詩,不得不譯。

This be the verse
  
  They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
  They may not mean to, but they do.
  They fill you with the faults they had
  And add some extra, just for you.
    
  But they were fucked up in their turn
  By fools in old-style hats and coats,
  Who half the time were soppy-stern
  And half at one another's throats.
    
  Man hands on misery to man.
  It deepens like a coastal shelf.
  Get out as early as you can,
  And don't have any kids yourself.
  
(他譯一) 

这就是诗
  
他们操你出来,你妈和你爸。
也许他们并不想,可他们干了。
以他们所有的错注满你
再额外添点,只为你一个。
  
但他们也被操了出来在他们的回合
被那些穿戴老式帽子上衣的傻子,
一半时候他们感伤又严肃
一半时候在掐别人的脖子。
  
人将不幸递给人。
不幸加深如海滨礁石。
越早越好,逃出来吧,
别给自己养什么孩子。

(他譯二)
这就是诗

他们操出了你,你老爸和老妈。
他们也许心不在焉,却干出了你。
他们以他们的过错灌输着你
额外还量身定做的为你添上几件。

可他们自己也是被操出的种,
由那些穿着老式的傻瓜蛋
一半的时间装模作样,
另一半时间则换副腔调说话。

人和人传递着不幸。
如同海边的暗礁愈陷愈深。
还是想法趁早脱身吧,
不要再生下自己的崽子。

(我譯)

就是這詩!
  
  你媽爹操壞了你
  不想這樣但操了
  填滿你是他們的錯
  為了你還加多一把
    
  但他們也是被操壞了
  被老帽破衣的蠢才操壞了
  彼人半生涕淚漣洏
  半生相互殘殺
    
  一代憂愁傳一代
  如岸礁重量叠加
  費盡心思早脫身
  莫生兒也莫生女

解釋:詩的題目和標點符號已有深意。This be the Verse!有公告天下,看我這首詩之意。他譯的「这就是诗」沒有力氣,反而是在說「詩是這樣的」。fuck up是髒話,一般意思是「把事情搞砸了, 相當於screw up」,不單單是「操」。
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Re: 佳譯、找錯,改譯,解釋

文章BW Book Worm » 週二 2月 24, 2015 1:30 pm

476. 录自 中文之美,再次被震撼!

原文
You say that you love rain,
but you open your umbrella when it rains...
You say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines...
You say that you love the wind,
But you close your windows when wind blows...
This is why I am afraid;
You say that you love me too...

普通版
你說你喜歡雨,但是下雨的時候你卻撐開了傘;
  你說你喜歡陽光,但當陽光播撒的時候,你卻躲在陰涼之地;
  你說你喜歡風,但清風撲面的時候,你卻關上了窗戶。
  我害怕你對我也是如此之愛。

文藝版
  你說煙雨微芒,蘭亭遠望;
  後來輕攬婆娑,深遮霓裳。
  你說春光爛漫,綠袖紅香;
  後來內掩西樓,靜立卿旁。
  你說軟風輕拂,醉臥思量;
  後來緊掩門窗,漫帳成殤。
  你說情絲柔腸,如何相忘;
  我卻眼波微轉,兀自成霜。

詩經版
子言慕雨,啟傘避之。
  子言好陽,尋蔭拒之。
  子言喜風,闔戶離之。
  子言偕老,吾所畏之。

離騷版
  君樂雨兮啟傘枝,
  君樂晝兮林蔽日,
  君樂風兮欄帳起,
  君樂吾兮吾心噬。

五言詩版
  戀雨偏打傘,愛陽卻遮涼。
  風來掩窗扉,葉公驚龍王。
  片言隻語短,相思繾倦長。
  郎君說愛我,不敢細思量。

七言絕句版
  戀雨卻怕繡衣濕,喜日偏向樹下倚。
  欲風總把綺窗關,叫奴如何心付伊。

吳語版
弄剛歡喜落雨,落雨了麼搞布洋塞;
  歡喜塔漾麼又譜捏色;
  歡喜西剝風麼又要丫起來;
  弄剛歡喜唔麼,搓色唔黴頭。

七律壓軸版
  江南三月雨微茫,羅傘疊煙濕幽香。
  夏日微醺正可人,卻傍佳木趁蔭涼。
  霜風清和更初霽,輕蹙蛾眉鎖朱窗。
  憐卿一片相思意,猶恐流年拆鴛鴦。

【BW感言:雖是遊戲文章,卻提醒了白話文之前之外有這樣多的美麗文體。續之。】

粵語版

又話鍾意雨,落雨咪又擔遮;
又話日頭好,見到日頭搵遮蔭;
又話風吹好,吹到嚟咪又閂窗!
依家你話鍾意我,點到我唔驚…
BW Book Worm
Site Admin
 
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註冊時間: 週一 6月 12, 2006 4:58 pm

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